What the midwife forgets to tell you

Don't panic, the midwives forget to tell you a lot of things that will, as a first time parents, make you panic... it's totally normal, swear about them, hate them, they are just midwives, they will disappear soon enough, don't worry... something's they say you should just ignore too as it's just a load of bulls mess...

Okay, here are a few of the things that my midwife forgot, more like neglected, to tell me knowing I was a new mum and everything. Also I will write a few things that I chose to ignore them on because you start to realise as time goes on that you know your baby best.

First thing, my partner and I were both new parents when our son came along and had absolutely no idea on how much a baby drank, but we honestly didn't think it would be as little as it was. Our son really didn't drink much on his first few days and we panicked, thinking he wasn't having enough and there was something wrong... there wasn't it's just everyone forgot, (oh look that word again, it will probably come up a lot in this section) but yeah forgot to inform us how much a newborn would normally drink. 

So for those of you that are wondering or are about to become or just became new parents here is a quick guide of what a newborn should take:

Day 1 - the first 24 hours - 7ml (just over a teaspoon)

Day 2 - 14ml (just under 3 teaspoons)

Day 3 - 38ml (1.3fl oz)

Day 4 - 58ml (2fl oz)

Day 7 - 65ml (2.2fl oz)

This is obviously for people that are bottle feeding and is a rough guide, every child is different.

If you're breast feeding, it's impossible to tell if you're baby is drinking the correct amount, so good signs that you baby is feeding the right amount are:

- your breasts soften during feeding

- you can hear them swallowing softly

- they come off your breast in their own

- they settle after a feed

- their poos go from being dark, sticky tar to a yellowish-colour and soft.

- they are wetting their nappy every few hours.

Now, don't panic if you can't breast feed for whatever reason, medical, confidence, baby doesn't want to etc. It's fine. I couldnt breast feed for medical reasons and my little man is now nearly 3 and fit and healthy. Just because you can't breast feed doesn't mean that your child will suffer or there won't be an attachment or whatever it is you have heard. You are the one feeding them still, you are still holding them when you feed them or are at least close to them when they feed as they get older. Don't panic, it's not a big deal, do what feels right to you.

 Next, now I just touched on the nappies during breast feeding, and yes, the first few poos are horrible dark, almost black stuff that looks like tar, this is so weird to see and you will wonder if it is normal.... oh yes it is... and oh no it doesn't get better. Once that black tar goes away, you get this yellowish stuff that comes out, it soft and has a tendency to explode everywhere... alway and I mean ALWAYS make sure you have more than one change of clothes with you. The last thing you want, is to go out and have a explosive nappy incident happen and nothing to change them into. And when I say explosive I mean it.... no matter what gender you have that poo will go everywhere. I had times it was all down his legs, up his back and all over my favourite outfit of his... it was not nice, so make sure you are prepared, extra clothes, extra nappies, plenty of wipes, nappy bags... the works, trust me you will need it.

Now, the hard topic, the topic no parent wants to talk about especially if they are going through it.... postnatal depression... now I know how hard it is to admit that you are going through it and that it is difficult to go through, been there, done it... even told people I was fine, and nothing was wrong just to try and hide it. Big hint though guys, the midwife will say they keep an eye on you and will keep an eye out for it... but honestly they won't notice, they will be too caught up in measuring the baby and checking this and checking that.... do you know how they assess if you are going through postnatal depression? They give you a bloody questionnaire for you to answer, both parents, and you will sit there going through the questionnaire making out that you are dealing with everything fine, they tell you to answer it honestly. But... guess what... you won't, you probably think, or at least I know I did, that if I answer this honestly then they won't think I'm a fit mum... but honestly they won't think like that at all, they won't judge.. or they shouldn't and they will get you the help that you need. Now the best people that will notice something is going on with you is, one your partner, they will see it, they will talk to you about it and if they are anything like my partner they will book an appointment with the doctor behind your back and take you there to be assessed. The next person who will probably notice something is your best friends, mine knew there was something up and checked on me regularly with messages, calls and all sorts and made sure I knew she was there if I needed her... take people up on this, talk to them, they honestly want to help and if they are honestly good friends, like my best mate (Paige you're amazing) then they won't judge, they will listen. And the other people that may notice is your parents, who again just honestly want to help, there's a chance they went through it, so let them help. I wish someone had told me before I had kids to take the help if you get postnatal depression, the help makes you stronger and makes you feel like you can get through it. Trust me you're not alone, so many people go through what you are feeling, it's normal. Don't worry, talk to people, they will help you.

Let's move on, I don't want you to feel like this is a lecture, it's not it's advice and anyone that wants help on any of this or can help with any of it, comment, let's stick together as parents.

Okay so moving on.... Screams.... yes there is a scream for all different things, yes you will learn the difference, no it won't be instant it will take time. What are all the different screams? How can I tell the difference? And how do I know what to do? Are questions I used to ask all the time, then one day.... bam... I knew. Some screams were longer, some higher pitched, other little tiny bursts... it's just getting to know your baby, and like everything it takes time.

There will be screams for;

Hunger

Tiredness

Illness

Pain

Attention

Being uncomfortable / Not liking something

And many more. Don't be afraid that you don't know what the cry is for, experiment, try everything you can at first, you will pick it up soon enough. But please whatever you do, do not run to them whenever they cry, they learn very quickly that crying makes you come running and they play on that, they will make you come to them whenever they want and you will not get any rest, and trust me you need your rest.

And finally, the last thing a midwife doesn't tell you is take all the pictures you can, have all the cuddles and kisses you can get while you can, because they grow up so fast. My little man is turning 3 this week and it feels like just yesterday I was holding him in my arms for the first time welcoming him to the world. Cherish every moment. Pictures make great memories and moments stay with you for a long time.... plus you can use them to embarrase them when they are older and get partners of their own... it's what parents do right? I know I will have get fun bringing out the pictures of my son when he has a partner, it's my prerogative as his mum. And the cuddles and kisses, trust me, get them while you can, because before too long it will be "yucky" or embarrassing to kiss and cuddle mummy and daddy, so make sure you get them all now!!

Most importantly though, enjoy it, enjoy every moment you have with them, cherish it, love it and have fun, that's what being a parent is all about!! 

Enjoy being a mummy or a daddy!!

As a last note, I want to thank my partner, best friend and parents for all the support they gave me through the tough times I had/have and tell you that you're amazing and I love you all so much!!

Hope you enjoyed reading and this has helped some of you. My next bit will be on moving to solids, and then the challenges that arise as they start to move.

Enjoy!